Click, click, bang.

I was at a debate this weekend. A small, beautiful private school in the middle of Oakland, pouring rain, nerds in formal wear, the whole deal.
I had advanced to the sixth round - depending on the outcome of another round unrelated to mine, this might be it. The winner of this round might go to nationals. (It didn't end up working out that way, but I didn't know that at the time.)
I was the negation. This means I speak neither first nor last, but my speeches are nearly twice as long as the my opponent's. This is known as the "neg time skew," and I took full advantage of it, reading multiple pieces of evidence against each of my opponent's points and presenting two independent cases for to negate the resolution.
So I'm giving my second (and final) speech - my rebuttal - at a brisk rate, maybe 200 words a minute. I don't really know how to evaluate wpm, but 200 is what my gut tells me. My opponent told me after the round that he had felt like I was wiping the floor with him, but I already knew he felt this way. Because he was clicking his pen almost as fast as I was talking. Fucker.
"FIRST I would say that this isn't inherent to PMFs because it only--"
Click, click, click, click.
"--addresses overseas deployment, so cross apply Calaguas and link out of--"
Click, click, click, click, click, click.
"--aff harms scenarios NOW extend the burdens analysis that tells you ONLY categorical--"
Click, click, click click, click click, click click.
"--affirmation is sufficient THIS GOES cold conceded in the aff rebuttal so EVEN IF you accept--"
Click click click click click click click click click click click click
"--ALL AFFIRMATIVE HARMS that isn't going to be sufficient to vote. SECOND, turn. Pattison writes--"
CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK


I read the evidence and moved on, trying desperately to ignore the frenetic rhythm next to my ear.


"--NOW go to the NC. FIRST extend Rawls which tells you SPECIFICALLY that a utilitarian calculus--"
click. click. click. click. click. click.
"--denies the importance of human worth in the first place this goes dropped in the 1AR now go to the overview--"
click click click click click click click click click
"--which tells you SPECIFICALLY private security contractors fund LOCAL RESISTANCE THIS GOES--"
CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK
"--entirely unanswered in the last affirmative speech and it has MASSIVE IMPLICATIONS FOR THE ROUND--"
clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICK
"--because it turns ALL -- ok. Look, can you stop? That's really distracting."
CLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKwhat? Oh, yeah, sorry.


blissful silence.


"--TURNS ALL AFFIRMATIVE SOLVENCY CLAIMS SO EVEN WITHOUT THE MASSIVE OFFENSE I'M GAINING OFF OF SULLIVAN AND THE THREE DROPPED TURNS YOU'RE TURNING THE ENTIRE AFFIRMATIVE CASE now go to there."


Nationals 2011, baby! Dallas, TX shall be taken by force.