Wednesday, December 8, 2010

For Only The Criminally Bored Web Cretins


Amid my frantic college essay writing and music playing and debating and dancing and singing and schoolworking and relaxing I have had little time for blogging. Hopefully this will change next semester, as I enjoy writing informally and particularly enjoy the thrill of shouting my opinions into the void where somebody might stumble across them.
I was going to post this as a facebook note to see what other people thought and maybe inspire an interesting discussion, but-- what did I create a blog for, if not this? This is my response to the Claremont McKenna College supplemental essay question, and I'm posting it here (for, I think, my first inclusion of formal writing) because I actually enjoyed writing it and like the way it turned out and think other people might enjoy it too, in a thought-experiment sort of way. Anyway, enjoy.

Prompt: Choose someone, fictional or nonfictional, historical or contemporary, whom you consider to be a leader. Suppose you are this person’s primary advisor. How would you advise this person and why?

      I would advise the early capitalist writer Adam Smith to recognize the inherent worth of the natural world, rather than commodify a country’s natural environment in terms of its ability to produce wealth for that nation. While Smith’s consolidation of money, goods, labor, and resources into the umbrella of “wealth” provided a pragmatic and effective paradigm for countries to maximize their economic welfare, I believe that that same cold utilitarianism in initializing the doctrine of capitalism is partly responsible for the way in which the modern free market promotes the abuse and callous mistreatment of the Earth and her natural, finite, and inestimably valuable resources.
      Adam Smith justified laissez-faire economics by analyzing the nature of wealth and concluding that rational individuals acting within an economy in their own self-interest will produce wealth for the economic system at large, and thereby increase the benefits to each individual within that system as the value of his or her share in the economy increases. However, this dangerously presupposes that the only valid economic goal is one of expansion—indeed, capitalist doctrine is founded on the notion that nations must forever endeavor to increase their wealth above other economic concerns. With the energy crisis of the 1970s and the environmental movements in the later 20th century came the realization that the global economy exists within the biosphere—that a sustainable ratio of development and consumption to resource utilization is key to maintaining a functional economy in the first place. Unfortunately, these convictions have been systematically opposed by the entities that stand to lose the most if we decide to curb our resource demands, even as those resource demands skyrocket with population growth and a globalization of unsustainable habits. And it is Adam Smith’s conviction that self-interested action will eventually benefit the whole—the “invisible hand” of the economy—that encourages and justifies the frequency with which these ferocious interests reign unchecked.
      The idea of conservation for conservation’s sake has been recognized at points throughout the past several hundred years, but if I were to advise Adam Smith on his treatise, I would have him embed it even deeper in the fiber of our economic understanding. Conceiving of land as a penumbra of wealth, as he did, established the ideological foundations for hundreds of years of exploitive industry. We recognize now that the environment is valuable for its beauty, that the biosphere is a fragile and complex system, and that a worldview which places human monetary gain at the pinnacle of estimable values is arrogant, unsustainable, and irresponsible—but we’re arriving late to the party. If only Adam Smith could have had the foresight then to recognize these concerns.
      Of course a proclamation of conservation, being neither pragmatic at a time when resource availability was limited only by transportation, nor fiscally intuitive to a generation of dogmatically utilitarian enlightenment thinkers and joint-stock company merchants, would likely have been received poorly—if at all. In fact, Adam Smith’s popularity might have been due in large part to his expression of financially intuitive precepts, so it would be ludicrous to imagine that such advice, even presuming that Smith would take it, would have sufficiently powerful implications to unilaterally alter the course of the economy-nature relationship during the industrial revolution. But I would give Adam Smith that advice nonetheless; I would endeavor to convey the realities of a world with finite and precious resources to a man who knew of only logistical limitations to resource exploitation; I would do anything to imbue an innate respect for nature’s majesty in the violent utility calculus of modern economics.
      I would not plant the seed of environmental awareness in The Wealth of Nations in order to see tangible results in those centuries—rather, I would plant the seed because planting the seed is valuable in its own right. Galileo and Copernicus never saw their convictions inspire overwhelming changes, and yet their ideas were instrumental in the development of more sophisticated models of the universe. Adam Smith did much more than explain the nuances of supply and demand; he created a pervasive evaluative system that defined worth for hundreds of years. Introducing criteria to that system other than ‘utility of production’ would have allowed environmentalism to germinate for as long as rule capitalism. Understanding that the natural world has value irrespective of its potential to facilitate wealth, I would tell Adam Smith, is key to an accurate and humble value system, a successful capitalist endeavor, and a sustainable future.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Still On Hiatus, I Swear.

To whoever reads this: as you're perhaps aware, I haven't posted anything in September or October. Besides this. That's because I felt that I was starting to enjoy this and maybe if I did it a lot more I could be okay at it ... but writing college applications and securing strong first-quarter grades must take priority.
But something has been pissing me off recently.

"You only live once."
"Live every day like it is your last."
"We only have a little time on this Earth, so make the most of it and live it up."

I feel like this has the potential to be good advice. Not to waste one's time on trivial pursuits, to choose fulfillment over chasing material goals.
When did it come to justify hedonism? I hate to become one of those blogs, lamenting our moral deterioration, but the renunciation of worldly responsibilities in favor of some ethically bankrupt quest for personal satisfaction just seems a deplorable misinterpretation of a generally good idea.

When did "seize the moment" become "I'm here for a good time, not a long time?"

I've seen this "live in the moment" idea twisted to entice people away from work, responsibility, even compassion — into lifestyles that permanently damage everyone involved. There is such a world of difference between "do what makes you happy" and "do what feels good," and yet I feel like they've become synonymous.

There is value in creating stable relationships founded on mutual respect; building careers in academia and professional life ... even prospering to ensure the security of one's family and posterity. But all of that is mutually exclusive with "living it up 24/7."
It seems all of that is just boring to the generation who's too cool 4 school.
Owlblink.

I'm not necessarily against drugs and sex and partying and gaming and pleasure; I'm not trying to preach to anyone — I'm just becoming increasingly worried by the complacency and entitlement I see in my generation.

How exactly is "do whatever you want" going to interact with the energy, resource, and geographic demands of 8 billion people, or 10 billion, or 20? Whose idea was it that we make the most of our time here by consuming as quickly as possible?

Shit, man.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Those gym teachers were just too rough, even for us.

"Analy Debate - So what if we failed PE?"


"Analy Debate - We're probably better than you."


"Analy Debate - We can go for almost an hour. And we'll do it in a chair, standing up, or from behind a podium.
This is funny because it's about sex."

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

That bitch. bad joke, bad joke.

My stats professor is kind of a boss, very Sicilian (talks with his hands), and fond of making halfhearted jokes and then quickly muttering "bad joke, bad joke."
Most of the time, he's super lighthearted and jovial. Today, while on one of his frequent tangents...
"What about marriage status? That's right, that would be a 'nominal' use of numbers. Of course, some people might say that being married is better than being single, so that would be 'ordinal,' but...'better,' haha. At least at first, right?
"Bad joke, bad joke...
"Isn't it funny how you get married, and you're a great person, and then suddenly you've always been an ass? Huh."
Owlblink.
Um, bitter much? Don't mind if we all listen to you vent, sir. You go right ahead.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Um. Checkmate.

Part of my job as President of the Debate Team is to come up with a slogan for our sweatshirt. I think I'll post ideas periodically.
Here's one:
"Analy Debate - although we might not be attractive, or popular, or fun, or attractive..."

Monday, August 16, 2010

One %$@#ing word. And who doesn't know Patrick Stewart?!

On a recent saturday, I was at a small gathering of friends to eat homemade curry, vegetables, and chicken tikka masala. Following the meal, we played a rousting hour of "The Name Game," where players team up in groups of two, each player writes the names of some famous people on scraps of paper and deposits them in the hat, and teams take turns having 1 person draw a paper and say one word by way of a clue while the other person has one chance to guess the name.
Some gems:
"Traitor."
"Uh...Napoleon Bonaparte!" [how they managed to get that one still baffles me. I would have said 'cannons' or 'overcompensation.'] 

"MILF."
"Madonna."

"Picard."
"Uh...Ok, Star Trek. Captain Kirk. Damn, who is that actor? He's in a bunch of commercials. Give up."
"Dude...not Kirk. Picard. Patrick Stewart!"
"Who the hell is that?"
Owlblink.
The three girls at the party were all of the giggly variety, so we gave them every possible advantage in a futile attempt to keep the game moving. For instance...
"Ok, take the laptop. If you don't know who somebody is, you can google it." [I know. To be fair, they needed it.]
"Ok, you three are a team. One person draws, and then decides if she wants the third player to help her give the clue or to help the second player guess."
"Whatever. If the clue is hyphenated, just go ahead. Please, hurry up."
Kaela had some trouble understanding the (mind-numbingly simple) rules.
K: "Wait, ok. So I can only give them one word as a clue?"
G: "Yes, Kaela."
K: "Haha ok I get it. But what if it's part of a title? Like, 'word, blank.'"
G: "That's fine. I mean, you can't be like 'PRIDE hmm hm-hm-hmm' but yeah, whatever."
K: "Ok. So just one word, right?"
G: [Groan.] "Yes Kaela."
K: "Ok. Uh...shit. Uh...HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL!"
Owlblink.
K: "Oh wait! Shit!"
Sometimes I feel like parlor games were invented to identify slower individuals for ridicule. Then I think, "Eh. They probably just didn't have slower individuals back then. That's why parlor games worked." Then I feel like slamming my head in a door jamb.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

The Odyssey, Frat Edition

As I prepare to go back to school, I've been spending a series of late nights trying to finish my AP Lit summer homework. I remember sitting down with The Odyssey last night and getting a lot of work done, and I remember stumbling to bed at 4:30 a.m., but when I woke up this morning, I was utterly surprised to find that I had written a 27-page document of quotes and analysis. As I read this document, I was even more surprised to discover that the further I read (and the later at night I wrote), the angrier my analysis became.
Here are a some samples of the progression:

"Odysseus to Seareach when Seareach says the reason he’s not competing is probably because he sucks at everything."

"Odysseus is fighting, tricking, running, swimming, lying, flattering, and fucking his way back home. In fact, if we don’t count his ten-year stint in Ilion, Odysseus’s penis is without a doubt the most active member of his Odyssey [haha, "member" of his Odyssey]. Plus he was into Kalypso and Kirkê. What a dick."

"Ok, Hêlios is just being a little bitch about this. But I guess he’s the fucking sun, so Zeus has to get off his butt and intervene. But even then, Zeus is such a lazy motherfucker that he keeps chilling and just shoots a thunder bolt down at the ship. If Zeus were a teenager, he'd be the guy who hasn't been out of his room in a zillion years."

"Ok, first of all, these guys are too poor to be this generous. And it would be super cool if they were really being this nice to Odysseus, but they’re not. They’re just going to fucking cost-shift all this shit onto their tenants and peasant subjects. Motherfuckers."

"Poseidon’s whining about how Odysseus is already on his way home. Zeus is like, 'man, I’ve got my own shit to deal with. You’re a big boy, pwn some mortals f00.' "

"When Odysseus stunned the hall with his performance with the bow, that was the climax, at which point the story became massively epic. This is the point at which the story continues to be massively epic. “You yellow dogs…Your last hour has come. You die in blood.” This guy is such a boss."

Owlblink.
I am so unbelievably exhausted.
peace

Friday, August 6, 2010

New England, Je T'aime

In mid-July, I flew to the east coast to visit colleges and family. My infallibly patient aunt Margot drove me to Yale, Harvard and Brown (all of which I loved and are now at the top of my list) and yet somehow made sure I had the time to kayak in the Atlantic Ocean with my cousin Christopher, hang out with my cousin Meredith and her awesome girlfriend Jess, go to a Red Sox game, and have a series of increasingly hilarious conversations with my uncle Bubba.
While at the beach house, I was treated to a thorough history of the neighborhood dating back to its origin as a whaling town. Bubba then went on to describe the whaling process in detail (a fascinating subject - read further) and expressed with surprise and no small amount of smugness that the house we were in was one of the few houses not to have been destroyed by hurricanes at some point during the 20th century.
Seizing my opportunity, I scoffed and replied demurely: "Oh Bob, there's no way you get hurricanes in Massachusetts. It's much too far north."
B: Don't get hurricanes? I beg your pardon, of course we do!
G: Ha! All the way up here? Who told you that?
At this, Bubba frowned and stumped over to the bookshelf, returning with a large manilla folder full of news clippings, pictures, and web articles, and laying it in front of me, spread his evidence across the table. Meredith and my aunt looked over, giggling.
B: Au contraire! We actually had a sizeable hurricane not too long ago, as you can see in this article.
G: Oh Bob. You know what they're doing, they're just trying to scare you so you'll buy their stuff. I bet he's employed by a contracting agency that builds foundations for old houses - it's just fearmongering. [Meredith and Margot giggled again]
B: Not at all! This author is actually an expert on the subject.
G: Bob, you know they just buy experts nowadays. Don't believe their corporate lies! There definitely aren't any hurricanes here.
B: Here, see for yourself. These pictures are from the most recent hurricane, and here are the ones before that. All those houses over there were rebuilt after the hurricane destroyed them.
G: That's definitely photoshopped. Yeah, those pictures are totally fake.
B: Photo shop? Like, they did them on the computer? No, in fact you can see the houses out the window. See the ones that look newer?
G: You know they probably just refurbish a couple houses in the neighborhood to get gullible homeowners to buy property insurance or new foundations. It's just a big scam - you don't get hurricanes here, no way. Definitely no hurricanes. Not here.
B: I just...you are incorrect, mister.
At this point Margot was leaning on the counter and Meredith was doubled over, gasping and howling. Bubba looked over, and then back to me, narrowing his eyes suspiciously.
B: Hmph. Anybody can see the evidence, I...
G: Whatever Bob. You can believe this scam if you want to.
Owlblink.
At dinner, Bubba was decidedly cranky. After a number of lighthearted jabs in my direction, Meredith sighed and said, "Bubba, you know he was joking. We all believe you.
G: I don't know, Bob. Everybody knows you don't get hurricanes up here. It's just...everybody knows it!
B: I'm not...I don't like it when people put things over me. Like you, mister.
M: He's just teasing you, Bubba. It's ok.
B: Hmph.
Man, I want to go to school here. Here's to family, right?

Christopher, Me, Meredith
Fs and Bs and F-Bs
Stylish and intrepid
Kayaking!

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Rantings of a Bitter Debate Kid

Something that anyone who knows me will tell you is that I'm a debater. I have been since day 1 of freshman year when I realized that this was an activity in which I could get rewarded for doing the things that until then had a) gotten me yelled at, and b) lost me friends.
However, there is a tendency in movies and television to glamorize the world of forensics.
I'm not saying that debate can't be elegant and insightful - some of my best breakthroughs and ideas have come either in preparation or during rounds. The problem is, as local debate has become more and more mainstream, it has been flooded with kids who aren't interested in doing research or understanding what it means to make an argument, and are only in the activity because at one point they developed an opinion of themselves as "eloquent" or "good bullshitters" when really, all they're good at is bickering. This is also due in part to the creation of different events in debate, the newer of which cater to the ill-informed and anti-intellectual.
Right now, there are basically two worlds in the debate community. Local circuit, described above, involves day-tournaments at local schools with parent judges who may or may not speak fluent English. Kids go, debate four rounds, get a plastic trophy, and go home. National circuit is judged almost exclusively by former debaters, employs very technical argumentation spoken at upwards of 250 words a minute, and is commonly referred to as "soul-crushing." I have competed in both styles, and am continually surprised at the variation within the activity.
At a national circuit tournament my sophomore year against a much superior opponent, the judge admitted that my lack of technical skill had "functionally excluded me from the round." On the other end of the spectrum, I faced a team last year in a round so lopsided in my favor that our opponents, and even their mothers (both of whom had watched the round), admitted to my partner and I that we had clearly won, and that they were "just glad that our sons got a chance to compete against people like you." However, the judge in that round fell asleep for 30 minutes during the debate, but woke up during the last speech and signed the ballot against us, without so much as a by-your-leave-don't-mind-if-I-fuck-you-over-because-I'm-epically-retarded.
Of these two instances, I think the second was more infuriating because at least on the national circuit, it's completely within my control to change the outcome of my weaker performances. But with a judge like the second guy, I feel so hopeless that I can't help but develop a cynical view of the activity.
If this is what it's like in the debate community, what the hell can I expect in real life?
Whatever. Maybe I'll just hole myself up in Academia for the rest of my life.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Gimme some Tim Roth. All up in there.

So my girlfriend Roxy has been in Southeast Asia with her family all summer. During one of the infrequent occasions in which we're awake, with internet, at the same time...
R: So what's new?
Me: I just watched another episode of Lie To Me.
R: Man I cannot wait to get in your pants.
It's surprising how much of the relationship can be conveyed through this exchange.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Overheard in a Campground. Then, Hiking With an Idiot.

I was backpacking recently with my friend Lukie, and on our last night a father and son arrived and set up at a nearby campsite. They were unobtrusive, so Lukie and I spent the evening relaxing, chatting, and doing our best to eat the mountain of food we had brought with us.
However, I was awoken painfully early (about 7 a.m.) by a loud, incessant bickering. Apparently the duo wasn't a father and son. In fact, it seemed to be just an unhappy, unstable, and rapidly disintegrating relationship between two bums.
Listening to them haggle was a little like listening to two stoned toddlers. I covered my head with my pillow and prayed that it would end soon - but it was not to be.
Young Bum: Hey, man. You...you gotta relax.
Old Bum: I'm...You're the one gettin' all hyped up over nuthin'. I'm just, uh...
Young Bum: Whatever, I don't need you, man. Fuckin' chill out.
Old Bum: Me chill? I'm just...you're not...I was just sayin' you're not doin' it right.
Young Bum: Why you gotta be all up in my shit? Fuck off.
Old Bum: Fuck off? Fuck you, man. You don't know shit.
Young Bum: You don't know shit.
Old Bum: I'm just...you're, uh...
Owlblink.
It must have gone on for thirty minutes. It would gradually die, then one of them would mumble something, and it would start back up again - stupid, unintelligible, petty, and loud.
Eventually:
Young Bum: Whatever, I don't need you. I'm leaving...fuck.
Old Bum: Oh yeah? Well...enjoy your conversations with...yourself! Yeah.
And then, blissfully - silence.

Lukie and I woke up at about eleven to find both of the bums gone from their campsite, ate a thoroughly mediocre breakfast of instant oatmeal, and began planning our route back to the camp headquarters. At about noon, somebody straggled into camp. It was Young Bum. He looked about 19, with shoulder length greasy blonde hair, a deeply revolting assortment of whiskers (I don't want to dignify them with the term "beard") and reeking of marijuana. Apparently he had been unable to follow the simple trail signs and had been lost since seven in the morning, during which time he had somehow wandered everywhere in the park except the trailhead.
Anyway, he looked thoroughly bedraggled and close to tears, and Lukie and I felt so bad for him we told him we'd take him to the headquarters - so we broke camp, packed everything, and left.
Young Bum's name was actually "Jade," and he was only 17 and going into his senior year at high school. Apparently Old Bum was Jade's parents' landlord, a friendless douchebag who needed a camping buddy for an exhausting 10-day trek around the San Francisco Bay. So naturally, Jade's parents pawned him off to the old guy and sent them on their merry way. Jade, a veteran of the Youth Detention Facility with a felony drug conviction securely under his belt, then treated us to an hour and a half of whining and bitching about how his feet were wet, how Old Bum was so stupid and needed to smoke more weed, how hard school was, how his feet were wet, how all the weed was gone, how stupid his parents were, how his feet were wet, how he failed geometry because the teacher was stupid, how it was getting harder to go off campus and smoke a bowl during lunchtime, how his feet were wet, and a lot of severely ill-informed analysis of California's drug laws.

This experience didn't really teach me anything, except to reinforce my conviction that I dislike irritating people. And that sometimes helping people screws you over.
Actually, it did make me grateful that I have my life in order, relatively. Lukie and I had been talking about college, and careers, and how difficult everything was. But after a few hours with Jade The Delinquent, my life could not seem better.

More on marijuana soon.

Monday, July 26, 2010

No, he's our shortstop.

I spent the past weekend in the east bay, with several friends from a folk music and dance camp I attend every summer [website, facebook, brochure]. We spend most of our time dozing and cuddling and talking about stupid, random topics. Below is a the transcript of a conversation between myself, my distractible and flamboyant friend Adam, and our stoic bouncing board, Katie.

A: What am I doing right now?
K: Making baguettes?
A: Oh! Yes. [Laughs embarrassedly] Guess I'm just easily distractible.
G: Easily distracted?
A: What? Oh, yeah. Wait, why not "easily distractible?"
G: I don't know. I would just say distracted. Cuz you can be distracted easily.
K: But doesn't that make him distractible?
A: So they're the same.
G: Yes, it makes him distractible. But not easily distractible. Because it's the fact that it's easy to distract him that makes him distractible.
A: But no - easily is an adverb, so it can describe a verb or an adjective.
G: But think about it in context. Distractibility is a state of being - the state of being distractible. How can a state be easy? Does that mean that it's easy for you to get to that state, or to be in that state, or what? At the very least, "easily distracted" is more direct.
A: So they're the same.
G: Well, functionally. Or I guess, being easily distracted is a pre-requisite to being distractible. But then how could a state be easy?
K: Cuz he's really, really distractible.
A: Yeah! Like right now. What was I doing?
K: Baguettes, Adam.
A: Oh yeah! Fuck.
Adam's little sister: Adam, don't say the fuck word!

A weekend of this.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Echo...

So I'm starting a blog.
This is more for me than for you.
After hilariously abusing the word limit on formspring.me, I realized that I needed somewhere to rant, criticize, and pontificate. And that I should probably start thinking of my own shit instead of just responding to prompts.
Accordingly, I've undergone the pretentious ritual of filling out my likes and favorites, selecting a name, and choosing a pre-designed layout. To my chagrin, my mouse hovered over "Awesome Inc." for a good three seconds before coming to rest on the more muted, yet elegant and sophisticated "Watermark."
I should probably establish some ground rules.
1. I will not post any personally identifying information.
2. I will not edit accounts to make myself or others appear better (or worse) than what their words and actions demonstrate. Actually, scratch that - I'll probably edit immensely.
3. To protect my fledgeling entries from the criticism of a more developed me, I will not delete any posts (barring objectionable content and egregious formatting or grammatical errors).
I anticipate infrequent entries, an abundance of self hate, mildly offensive language, and occasionally amusing perspectives. And a thoroughly meager following.
But that might also be due to the fact that I intend to tell absolutely no one about this embarrassing little indulgence. That would be narcissism.
Much better to shout my opinions into the void and hope that no one's listening.
As I said, this is more for me than for you.

Echo?