Friday, April 22, 2011

On Religion

Question: What is your religious path/idea/choice do you believe in (a) God? Or do you believe in a different entity or deity? explain, if you will.

I am an atheist because nothing in my experience, research, observation or original thought gives me any reason to believe otherwise.

I do not need to create a giant security camera in the sky in order to comport myself according to a determinate ethical calculus. In other words, my sense of morality comes from careful and reasoned analysis of humans, ideas, and the world - not from an arbitrary set of commandments whose only qualifications are a) posterity and b) a convenient symmetry with many of my moral intuitions.

I would not say that I am totally a-spiritual. I have had spiritual experiences in nature - on vision quests, for instance - and I've experienced moments of clarity and enlightenment which sprang into my head as if from a higher being. But I'm a great believer in the immense and uncharted power of the human mind, so while I find that nature is a great way to access a wealth of knowledge and get in touch with other ways of knowing, I find neither truth nor utility in ascribing these experiences to any omnipotent, omniscient, or omnipresent entity. Rather, I consider spirituality to be an internal process catalyzed by external events and environments.

I guess you could say that I am a rational hippy.

An important distinction is that I am an atheist, not an anti-theist. I disbelieve only because I have been presented with an insufficient case for religion, not out of any determination to reject a theistic model of the universe. In theory, I am open to conversion - although the burden of proof for any Western religion is insanely high. I have no problem with people believing whatever the hell they want, as long as their beliefs don't demand violations of the natural rights of others. However, I have a number of problems with organized religion. Here are some, in no particular order:

1. Exclusivity: it's often not enough to simply live a good life - in many Western forms, worship at their altars is a necessary condition for salvation. Everyone says "we're right, everyone else is wrong" and all we get is a muddled and vitriolic dialogue.

2. Subversion: religion has a terrible track record for social systems, ideas, and practices which are good for society (or at least, aren't objectively bad) but don't support the ideology. Science, freedom of speech, science, gender equality, legal accountability, science, the list goes on...

3. Propagation of unhealthy practices: this is like the converse of #2 - organized religion is responsible primarily for its own survival, so it has a natural incentive only to promote that which fuels itself. We think that the religious cult and the Cool-Aid are tragically serendipitous - I think that the cult of organized religion makes the Cool-Aid inevitable.

It's probably clear that I have a lot to say on this topic. On the other hand, I'm tired of writing this. Thanks for the question, and pay extra attention in those English, grammar, and composition classes.

This was reposted from Formspring. Surprise me with more questions like this.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Copyright 2011 by Owlblink, Inc.

I recently went to the State Championships for debate. I neither did as well as I had hoped, nor as well as my record this year had predicted. Oh well - I won't even care about it in a zillion years.


I did, however, discover something I have titled,
"The Hotel Trifecta of Comfort."
1. Long, hot shower (and freedom from water-bill-guilt)
2. Exhaustive (albeit muffled) weeping
3. Vigorous masturbation


I informed a friend at the tournament, who dropped out a round later. He told me that my advice was invaluable--
"Gordon, that hotel trifecta thing really did the trick! Well, the trifecta minus the shower. And minus the masturbation. I really just had a small, damp cry. But it felt good."


I gotta copyright that shit.
In a foreign city? Feeling down? Trifectize© yourself.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

A Hypothetical Ode to the Little Folk


If I had to be a dwarf, elf, man, or hobbit, I would definitely choose hobbit. Here's why.

1.    Hobbits have awesome furry feet. As anyone who's seen me in shorts or flip-flops will attest, I'm doing my best to develop some Hobbit-class foot/leg hair. But having giant furry feet would be a magnificent improvement; I could walk over any surface without pain, I wouldn't have to worry about shoes and socks, and I could shave and trim my foot-beard into interesting patterns.
2.    Hobbits have long life spans, 20-50 years longer than humans. While some might consider this to be a burden, it's only understandable - hobbits take a lot longer to do everything because of their lack of stress and general easygoing-ness.

3.    Hobbits have a bliss-inducing, harmless herb they call pipe-weed. Remember how they're always smoking in The Lord of the Rings? That's not tobacco or marijuana, and none of the older hobbits look like they have lung cancer, so it sounds pretty good to me.
4.    Hobbits are super tough. I wouldn't have to worry about being unduly victimized because--
a.    Nobody wants to hurt hobbits because they're super cute.
b.    If anybody wanted to hurt me I could easily hide.
c.    If push came to shove, hobbits are deceptively fierce so I could probably push and shove with aplomb.

One potential objection concerns hobbits’ diminutive stature. However, we only arrive at this by comparing hobbits to humans. While I enjoy being tall, this is not an objective standard; when deciding upon “a good height,” it’s just as arbitrary to select six feet tall as it is to select three. It's ridiculous that we've decided that one size is normal and another is tiny. In fact, when we consider the sizes of all of the species in the animal kingdom, three feet is actually a much more normal height than six.
Besides, this wouldn't even matter in the context of my lifestyle. The Shire is constructed completely to scale. All the houses, doors, windows, roads, bridges, carts, and even animals would be scaled to my size.
In addition to being totally cute and surprisingly tough, hobbits have one advantage that the other races rarely attain. Hobbits are almost categorically content (except for the Bagginses). Just happy. I can't imagine what that would be like, to just be content and live without pressure and stress. Other races can be happy, sure, but it's illusory and transient, gone as soon as they realize that there's something else to be desired.
And what I wouldn't give to be friends with Gandalf...